Alcoholic Spouse

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Isabella Pierce

Why You Should Also Be Sober if You’re Spouse is a Recovered Alcoholic

When it comes to a marriage, it is a partnership through and through. The best way for it to work is for everyone to be on the same page and have open communication about what someone is battling and what someone is going through in their lives. For example, if you are dating someone that is a recovered alcoholic, it is important to be mindful of this and respectful of this. They have gone through a lot to get to this point, and it has not been easy for them. They need all of the help and support they can get, as all it takes is one false move and they can find themselves right back in the same spot as before in their lives. They need someone that is going to encourage them and keep it away from them.

When you are married to someone, it is something that is for life if you do it right. It is important to stay committed to your partner. They need you during all that life has to offer: the good, the bad, and the ugly. It has taken a lot of work for them to get to this point, so you have to be there for them as they go through this process. If there are any drinks around, they could be tempted. It might be hard to avoid it if you like to drink, but when you are in a marriage, sometimes you have to look out for the greater good of the marriage. You have to make sacrifices and you have to be unselfish.

However, if you do wish to drink, it would probably be best do it when you are out with buddies and your spouse is not around. It is not cheating or anything of that nature. It is just a matter of doing what is sensible. You can either make a sacrifice, or you can do it without them being around it. They will understand and they will not try to deprive you of it. The only way where I can see it being an issue is if you are hiding it from them. Honesty is the staple of any great marriage, and it is important to let them know what is going on and where you are going.

When you come home, it is also best to brush your teeth and make sure they do not smell any alcohol on you, so they don’t get a whiff of it. For many people that are recovering, it is best for them to stay away from it at all costs. They can’t afford to be around it at all in any way, shape, or form. It needs to be avoided at all costs. These are some things to consider when dating or being married to a recovering alcoholic. It can and will work if you follow these steps and remember the little things along the way as well. Everyone wins in this kind of case, which is great.

If your spouse needs addiction treatment–whether it’s treatment for alcoholism or cocaine addiction treatment–it’s important that you get help right away.



Talking to Loved Ones About Rehab

 

Rehab has often been thought of as a bad word. It’s something you don’t discuss, something horrible you hide from everyone. The truth is rehab is a helpful, beneficial, and often the thing that helps alcoholic on the road to recovery. Learning to talk to loved ones about rehab is a very specific subject, and there’s no right or wrong way. Whether you’re talking about rehab with a loved one you think would benefit from this service or your loved one is now out of rehab and on the road to recovery, there are a few things you should know about discussing rehab with your loved ones.

 

Don’t Judge

 

Judging someone for going to rehab is a horrible thing to do. This is a person who went for help. A person who asked for help, sought it, and put aside their entire life to seek the help they needed to recover from an addiction is a strong person. Feeling judged for seeking help is not beneficial to anyone who is working on their recovery. Be open-minded, ask questions, and learn about rehab rather than judge.

 

Educate Yourself

 

Do your own research about the rehab process so you have something to contribute to the conversation. Don’t assume you know how it works or what it entails. Learn what it means to go to rehab, to recover, and to spend time in this program. The more you know the easier it is to discuss this with your loved ones attending rehab.

 

Be Supportive

 

You might not understand what your loved one is going through as they discuss rehab with you, but your support and encouragement speak on your behalf. Be there for your loved one, support them on their good days and their bad days, and refrain from issuing conditional support. You must know some days are easy and others are more difficult to offer the kind of support your recovering loved one needs most.

 

Speaking with your loved ones about their rehab experience should be an open conversation. The more open you are the easier it is to deal with rehab as a family. It’s something you all experience, and that means all making the effort to understand what the others feel regarding their own experience. Support, love, and an open-door policy for rehab discussions help more than you might imagine. Sometimes it’s just a listening ear that does the trick.



Why Al-Anon May Be Right for You

When your spouse is an alcoholic or drug addict, you will be affected. You will probably spend a lot of time worrying abd obsessing about your spouse. You will probably spend a lot of time in a wide range of negative emotions. In this situation, you may want to consider going to Al-Anon meetings.

Al-Anon meetings are like Alcoholic Anonymous meetings. However, they are for the loved ones, friends, and family members of alcoholics. These meetings can be extremely helpful even if the alcoholic in your life is currently sober. It is extremely helpful to be amongst people who understand what you are going through and who can help you.

Al-Anon uses the 12-step program that Alcoholics Anonymous uses, but the steps are phrased in a way that loved ones of alcoholics can use. This group may seem religious, but it is really more spiritual than anything. Even if you are an atheist, you can still get a lot out of these meetings. They do reference a higher power frequently. However, I know many atheists that consider the higher power to be the group.

In an Al-Anon meeting, you will be able to share your experiences with a group of people who know exactly what you are going through because they have all been through it themselves. It can also be extremely helpful if your spouse starts going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings while you are going to Al-Anon meetings, and you are both working the 12 steps at the same time. If you make recovery something that you can do together, it may be more likely to be effective.

In Al-Anon meetings, you will also learn more effective ways to be supportive of your alcoholic husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, or fiance. This may be essential for your loved one’s recovery and sobriety. Having the support of a loved one can make all of the difference in the life of an alcoholic. We understand that alcoholism is a disease, and your loved one needs to seek treatment for it. In an Al-Anon group, you will get the support that you need as the alcoholic’s spouse.



So Your Spouse Won’t Quit Drinking?

To begin with, I want to let you know that if your partner is attempting to change his or her drinking (whether that involves decreasing his or her drinking or quitting altogether), you need to try to be supportive. If he or she messes up, you need to still be supportive. It may be unreasonable to demand that he or she stop drinking if he or she is trying to decrease their drinking or drink in a safer way for now. However, if they truly are an alcoholic, eventually, they will need to quit drinking altogether. It is also completely unreasonable to try to force your partner to drink in a moderate, safe way when he or she tries to quit. If you find that you are really attached to drinking then perhaps you have issues with alcohol yourself that you will need to reevaluate.

If your partner refuses to change the amount that he or she drinks, it may be that he or she is endangering you or your children. If this is the case, it may be time to leave. While this may seem difficult, it may be only temporary as you leaving may be the incident that gets your spouse to stop drinking once and for all. If your partner is becoming violent when he or she drinks, he or she may have a co-occurring disorder. This means that in addition to substance abuse issues, he or she also has mental health issues that he or she will need to seek treatment for.

If things have progressed to a desperate situation, but you do not feel that you or your children are in immediate danger, you may need to demand that your spouse attends rehab. Doing some research and finding a rehabilitation facility may be a helpful approach. It may also be helpful for you to speak with the addiction specialists at the facility to make sure that your spouse will be able to find the treatment that he or she deserves.

The main thing to keep in mind is that if your spouse needs help for his or her drinking, you must insist that they seek help. I know it may seem like your spouse is choosing to be an alcoholic, but you need to remember that alcoholism is a disease akin to any other chronic illness. Your spouse does not need to be judged, but rather, he or she needs to find treatment that will work so he or she can get better.



When is it the Right Time to Leave?

The amount of people that are searching Google using phrases like “when is it time to divorce an alcoholic” and “how to leave you alcoholic husband/wife” is staggering and heartbreaking. I can tell you that I have been where you are. I can tell you that I almost divorced Bill a number of times. I understand your struggle, and I feel your pain.

The answer to this question is probably not an answer you will like, but it is the truth. Honestly, it is different for every person. You are the only one who can decide when the right time is that you should leave you alcoholic spouse. There is not one catch-all answer that will work for everyone. It could be that your spouse is genuinely trying to get help, but he or she has not been able to get the help that he needs. It could be that your spouse needs to know that you will support him or her and have his or her back always.

The first thing to do when you are wrestling with this decision is to ask yourself some questions. The most important thing is that you are honest with yourself. You want to ask yourself the following questions:

  • What are the reasons I want to stay in the relationship?
  • What are the reasons I want to leave the relationship?
  • What would it cost for me to stay in the relationship?
  • What would it cost for me to leave the relationship?

Think about how your decision will affect others (particularly if you have children). Think about what you will have to let go of and leave behind. Think about what you will have to face within yourself if you leave. Weigh the benefits with the costs and decide whether or not the pain of the relationship is worth the positive aspects of the relationship.

I will tell you that once I finally left Bill, it was what caused him to finally get the help that he deserved. This will not be the case with everyone. The most important thing for you to do is to listen to your heart. It will tell you what you need to do.




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